Wednesday, June 9, 2010

heya everybody, its been ages since i posted smth again.. im now having my hols. Life has changed a lot. I moved house, gained more trustworthy friends and I encountered a lot of problems in my "job" as well. Im the Welfare head (actually im the only person under that category) == my class have been through many HUGE (i mean REALLY HUGE) arguments, and apparently I am ALWAYS in them. Example, Guang Jun thinks Ming En is angry with him. Posts a comment. Ming en denies. Guang Jun insists (if im not wrong ==). I try to split them up. Bryan joins. Ming en argues with him. Guang Jun gets "ignored" i try to stop their fight budden Guang Jun comes back and the whole thing took AGES to end... by the end, im the one thats HALF DEAD. many CRAZY stuff happens and everyone like dun like Guang Jun. I find him pretty pitiful. Its not his fault he's not matured yet lah. But i can see he is changing slowly. And i think that Shamus is a bit off track alr.. == I din see him show his face or did anything "helpful" except the HUGE event by the CEC for a class outing. WOW. i really dunno what to say.

I recently also went to Shunde, met Fiona and Wang Qi. the ppl there are nice. They are hardworking and easy to befriend. I made many good friends from other classes like Shamemi and Fatin and many others. Unfortunately i have NO IDEA why i am the only gal that went to Shunde. Am i really THAT inferior.. And I think it was a pretty bad idea for Huang Lao Shi to tell us our trip was initially totally cancelled. Thinking bout that, I feel sad that they had to bring us to Shunde instead and that feeling that makes me feel uneasy acts up. I have no idea why either.

I just hope someone would see my "potential" apparently my percentage is like i dunno.. 3% outta the class? or even lesser. I think the top two ranks with at least 10-20% is calvin and ziying. the gals and guys follow after that. I think i possess the least potential among the girls. Ziying is smart cos shes like a few years older in China. Sue Lun is smart and tall. Cheng Ngee is friendly, charming (i guess) and admirable for her leadership for badminton. Sher Li is kind hearted and helpful. Zhi Qi is fierce, but she can be super friendly and admirable for her time management skills. I? im lost. lost in this Potential world. LOST of knowledge.. inferior to those who are better than me. I cant beat Ziying in her smarts, can't beat Sue Lun in her height nor calmness. Can't beat Sher Li in her kind-heartedness, and definitely beaten hands down by Zhi Qi for her Time management skills. No one really told me my good points,

Based on my talk with Bryan, we both seem to be "the one behind the scenes". We work the hardest, but the credit mostly goes to the rest of the group.we feel sad, sad that no one notices, sad that the teachers feel different. I am sad that the teachers don't care bout us, that they don't realise who are the ppl that work the most they can. Fail to notice our stress. My stress to be equal with everyone. To be equally noticed, to be equally treated. To be acknowledged, to be praised, to be asked if fine (cheer me up when I seem emo). Frankly speaking, I am not always emo. I get emo around teachers, i think.. i think its basically attention seeking bahs. I resort to that just to get you to care. WHY? why should I do that? its hopeless. I guess its just desperation bahs. I think that all i can do now is to help, keep the face still, emotionless, when im done, i bow and take my leave. I don't need to cut into ppl's talks, I don't need to light an extra bulb to show the teachers. I jut need to be normal. over normal i guess.

My wish, is that everyone is treated equally, and that 101, 101 will be the best class in the History of SST. My wish that we could share our thoughts with our teachers, that we could know each other better. My wish... that.... those in the shadows can be noticed, and known to the world. For the things they do, For the work they put in... Guess im still that ignorant little kid eh?

the Choco MakER~
emo mood today? maybe not.
Ignorant Little Gal :D :)