Monday, June 14, 2010

YO! well I've made a new blog so im not really caring bout this one anymore, but its cool. I'll continue to post. apparently my friend told me im great at helping people.. i could improve on it. :D thats all for now

Ignorant Little Gal~

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Hey everyone, I went for my cuzzie's bdae today.. I felt SOOO EXTRA... at least got some presents == i felt alone since Issac was there, looked like he wanted me out. And Eugenia, being her usual friendly self, got all the attention of the little kids, like Samantha. but actually.. I don't really care anymore nyaa.

talking to a fellow classmate who has similar "case" like me i guess.. I felt like im in no position to help her much, since i can't really help myself. == IM HOPELESS. im so tired.. so tired of giving it all, so tired of making a mark, so tired of trying so freaking hard to please everyone. but, THATS the reason for me to keep on doing that. I want to give up.. I want to end all this.. I want someone to notice, how hard im working to please everyone nyaa.

I know im lazy, playing games and all.. but I hate teachers saying this after Ziying says:
"Um... Do I need to get information on this topic in order to get the notes i need to understand the next topic better?"

teacher: "yeah! "

*happens.. PURPOSELY walks to the teacher and overhears the topics*

*teacher gets some "bad" thinking of me once seeing me*
teacher: "See, Grace, must be like Ziying, you must learn from her"

shes the role model and wha? i must learn from her? HELLO? im an individual here. but... do you ever talk about me? nehh. guess you're too busy. can't blame you. Role Model.. shes 101% PERFECT. 100% smart. talented. good body figure (i guess). no one can compare to her. I don't worth even 0.01% of her. THATS the comparison. Im the pest, shes the human. humane enough for teachers to notice, not saying everyone is not human. guess shes too PERFECT... she talks to me sometimes like its an order, sumtimes like she throwing facts.. or stabbing me with arrows. Im defenseless.. against everybody. im the target, the prey.. cos im not smart enough to raise it a notch and become the hunter. they are the hunters. im free prey. the teachers are the masters. im willing party, they are willing party, BUT i die, they get rewarded.

Im ignorant, they are smart and elegant.

xoxo Ignorant Little Gal.
SUPER emo. don't touch me.

Friday, June 11, 2010

If you din see my chatbox, here's what i wrote.. added other stuff in.

I wish there was a dark corner i could be in.. where there is dark chocolate and never ending rain. I would cry, I would complain, I would think about the stuff that happened to me so far. Im dark, Im easily fooled, Im easily angered, easily emotional, easily made fun of. I can't express my feelings clearly, when i feel sad I don't say it. I feel angry I just blast. When im happy I can laugh.. but, these ARE my feelings, I share them with you.. but are the feelings you share with me true? Is the talk between us to get info from me? I don't really care anymore.. I want to be your friend, if you don't its up to you.. nyaa?

xoxo Ignorant Little Gal
emo? yeps~

Hey everyone,

today I went to Toa Payoh Safra to play badminton with Zhi Qi and Sher Li. We laughed and laughed and had so much fun. Then we went to GWC great world city. Sher Li left her phone at Safra so Zhi Qi and Sher Li had to go back to get it. I went to buy the tickets. We then ate lunch/dinner and both of them drank Coffee before we went for our movie. KARATE KID! :D I felt sorta invisible though.. during the trips around~ Guess we dun click well? :D I then went home and now I'm tokin' to my friend. Helped him with a maths question... though I failed :'(... I feel sad when I try to help but fail and the person feels disappointed. I felt like I failed in my job as a welfare... Not tokin bout that I think I oso fail as a friend. I GUESS~... :( though im the QOI:Queen Of Information... I dun really earn much trust cos its hard to believe that I will keep the secrets.. Frankly speaking I can and I WILL keep the secrets cos I dun like hurting ppl though I get hurt by them all the time.

I love my friends... but just now I think I dun really fit in? i guess..

xoxo XiiAo cHoCo
~Ignorant Little Gal.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

heya everybody, its been ages since i posted smth again.. im now having my hols. Life has changed a lot. I moved house, gained more trustworthy friends and I encountered a lot of problems in my "job" as well. Im the Welfare head (actually im the only person under that category) == my class have been through many HUGE (i mean REALLY HUGE) arguments, and apparently I am ALWAYS in them. Example, Guang Jun thinks Ming En is angry with him. Posts a comment. Ming en denies. Guang Jun insists (if im not wrong ==). I try to split them up. Bryan joins. Ming en argues with him. Guang Jun gets "ignored" i try to stop their fight budden Guang Jun comes back and the whole thing took AGES to end... by the end, im the one thats HALF DEAD. many CRAZY stuff happens and everyone like dun like Guang Jun. I find him pretty pitiful. Its not his fault he's not matured yet lah. But i can see he is changing slowly. And i think that Shamus is a bit off track alr.. == I din see him show his face or did anything "helpful" except the HUGE event by the CEC for a class outing. WOW. i really dunno what to say.

I recently also went to Shunde, met Fiona and Wang Qi. the ppl there are nice. They are hardworking and easy to befriend. I made many good friends from other classes like Shamemi and Fatin and many others. Unfortunately i have NO IDEA why i am the only gal that went to Shunde. Am i really THAT inferior.. And I think it was a pretty bad idea for Huang Lao Shi to tell us our trip was initially totally cancelled. Thinking bout that, I feel sad that they had to bring us to Shunde instead and that feeling that makes me feel uneasy acts up. I have no idea why either.

I just hope someone would see my "potential" apparently my percentage is like i dunno.. 3% outta the class? or even lesser. I think the top two ranks with at least 10-20% is calvin and ziying. the gals and guys follow after that. I think i possess the least potential among the girls. Ziying is smart cos shes like a few years older in China. Sue Lun is smart and tall. Cheng Ngee is friendly, charming (i guess) and admirable for her leadership for badminton. Sher Li is kind hearted and helpful. Zhi Qi is fierce, but she can be super friendly and admirable for her time management skills. I? im lost. lost in this Potential world. LOST of knowledge.. inferior to those who are better than me. I cant beat Ziying in her smarts, can't beat Sue Lun in her height nor calmness. Can't beat Sher Li in her kind-heartedness, and definitely beaten hands down by Zhi Qi for her Time management skills. No one really told me my good points,

Based on my talk with Bryan, we both seem to be "the one behind the scenes". We work the hardest, but the credit mostly goes to the rest of the group.we feel sad, sad that no one notices, sad that the teachers feel different. I am sad that the teachers don't care bout us, that they don't realise who are the ppl that work the most they can. Fail to notice our stress. My stress to be equal with everyone. To be equally noticed, to be equally treated. To be acknowledged, to be praised, to be asked if fine (cheer me up when I seem emo). Frankly speaking, I am not always emo. I get emo around teachers, i think.. i think its basically attention seeking bahs. I resort to that just to get you to care. WHY? why should I do that? its hopeless. I guess its just desperation bahs. I think that all i can do now is to help, keep the face still, emotionless, when im done, i bow and take my leave. I don't need to cut into ppl's talks, I don't need to light an extra bulb to show the teachers. I jut need to be normal. over normal i guess.

My wish, is that everyone is treated equally, and that 101, 101 will be the best class in the History of SST. My wish that we could share our thoughts with our teachers, that we could know each other better. My wish... that.... those in the shadows can be noticed, and known to the world. For the things they do, For the work they put in... Guess im still that ignorant little kid eh?

the Choco MakER~
emo mood today? maybe not.
Ignorant Little Gal :D :)